Anger- May 22, 2014

I recently was someone who spoke about the frustration, difficulty, irritation, pain and most of all anger with  dealing with her parents.  She expressed to me that their behaviors and actions were such a turn off that she would try so hard to stay as late as she could at school ( try 8:00 pm).   Lock herself in her room, kick a ball down the street alone to get away, sit in the park under a tree.  Being in a situation where there is no escape from the constant yelling, indecisiveness from both parents, and worse not having the ability to be heard.... is unbearable.

I first validated and expressed the almost dark, gloomy ethereal veil that one can be under when put in such a situation.   However most importantly I wanted to tell her that despite being very familiar with her particular situation,  I could never understand what it is like to be in her own shoes.  Everyone's experience is unique and there's alone. Up until that point, she had never been asked to express what she was feeling inside.  I wanted her to express what she was feeling and she did.  She painted something for me, she took my guitar and played me something that almost knocked me out of my chair. 

Helping her recognize why she was angry and realizing that reacting to things that had for the most part nothing to do with her gave her a different perspective.   Learning to channel that energy into something beautiful was priceless.

May 1, 2014- Difficulty with Bullying

I believe that addressing bullying means allowing yourself to become more empowered. Often when we are faced with those who want to break down our " walls" , sometimes we forget that we have it within ourselves to be "ourselves." The comments and ridicule are used to break down and erode us. However it is important to remember that during these dark periods, we have to keep telling ourselves the person we are now is the same person who has made accomplishments,has had other positive relationships in their lives, has made a positive impact in this world and that can never been taken away.

April 17, 2014- To Be in a Relationship or Not To Be

Recently I was in the market when I was approached by a woman.  Yes, it does happen once every blue moon.   However as it turned out it was not due to my unmistakable charm.  I had recently been given a key ring that shows my practice name given to me by my wife ( the irony).  She has noticed it dangling from one hand and a basket of groceries in another.  She asked me an off the wall question about  relationships which I had to admit I had not heard at least in this manner.  She asked me if relationships in themselves were signs of people learning to deal more about themselves than actually learning to deal with others.  She explained that she had recently gotten out of a relationship and was told she needed to work on herself and less on the relationship.  While it would be difficult to provide her with an encapsulated answer in the cereal section,  I provided her with a brief answer.  I explained to her that in order to be truly " successful" at being in a committed relationship, one would essentially want to be in a good place with themselves.  What I meant was that someone would have hopefully worked  on themselves and not engage in a relationship in order to get fixed by someone.   True intimacy starts with open and  honest communication.  Being honest with each other requires not only a strong foundation but requires that person to be vulnerable.  If they are not willing to be vulnerable, they will never experience an open and honest relationship.  Although she did not agree with how her relationship had stopped, she understood that personal growth needed to be completed by both parties in order for the relationship to evolve.

March 20,2014- Taking Care of the Self

It is very difficult to encapsulate how we are able to take care of our needs when we are stuck on this endless hamster wheel.  Whether is it taking care of a loved one 24/7, making sure a mother keeps the house and the household together in a flurry of activities, and trying to meet a deadline at work while trying to reach a productivity of 120%, where do we take the time to make time for ourselves?

I remember last week driving over all over Los Angeles meeting with people, attending sessions, making house calls, going to network meetings and keeping a smiling face that one day I left the house with two different color shoes.  That’s right!! I got to my coffee shop with two different shoes and boy were they laughing; joke got all the way to the guy in the back making the doughnuts.  The point I am making is that time is not on our side, despite what the Rolling Stones may say.  As bad as our day/week is, we should try to make the time to take care of ourselves.  Case in point: trying to cram everything in two weeks and not taking care of myself has lead me to deal with clumsiness, a viral infection, as well as not being able to match my shoes correctly.  I can make time to do the following items. I can dedicate 20 minutes a day to my mediation regime or take the 25 minute jog in the afternoon/early evening to get rid of the stress.  I can get to bed at a decent time.  I even use a great link www.dailymile.com to track my miles and https://insighttimer.com for meditation.   As I have stated before in my blog, my sessions, and my caregiver’s group and on a freaking mountain top, if you are not good to yourselves, how can you be good to others around you?

March 11, 2014- Sharing is always beautiful

I was siting at the dealer today getting my car serviced.  I was able to resume my meditation practice that I had stopped for a short time but rather than focusing on that decided to venture onward.  I was getting some coffee in the lounge section chilling like a villain when I decided to sit in one of their nice leather lounge chairs far away from the salesmen.    I sat down to put my backpack on the floor, put my glasses away, and get into my pose.   I closed my eyes and started to concentrate on my breathing.  Probably thirty seconds into it, I heard someone say " excuse me sir, but are you going into some kind of meditative trance happy place?"  I opened my eyes and looked up into the face of one of the sale agents.  At first glance, he was very well put together, handsome, clean cut, dressed to a tee and sporting one of the best starched shirts I have seen in quite some time.   As he kept looking down towards me,  I took a better look at his face.  I could see some anxiety and concern around the eyes.. they never lie.  I asked him to sit down and tell me what was going on.  He expressed  concern over his sales quota,  issues at home, as well as some other factors.  Mainly,  he was not able to deal with the stress. I informed him that I was about to engage in mindfulness meditation which would not only help him deal with the stress but become more focused and alert.  He humorously asked me if he was needing to buy a Buddha statue and informed him that he did not need to do so.  Meditation is more of a practice of becoming more self aware of one's attunement to life.   I provided him with a brief explanation, gave him instruction and off he went.   He was honest about not being able to just " turn off" his thoughts but I told him the practice itself is  about recognizing this and moving on.

February 25, 2014 – Music Really Does Soothe the Soul

I have a very special interest in incorporating music in my therapy whenever possible.   If I see an opportunity to seize upon it and use in a positive way, I will do it.  I was very touched and happily surprised during one of my sessions with a teenager.   During our conversation, the topic turned to music and he expressed an interest in learning the guitar.  When he found out that I had been playing the guitar for some number of years, he became so thrilled that he jumped up to show me his record collection ( yes his own LP collection).  I was both struck and amazed at this young teenager’s knowledge of music, both contemporary and oldies.  What really struck me was when he used one of the lyrics from Nick Drake’s song to describe how he was feeling at the time. He brought up “Place to Be.”  It talks about someone who was much more optimistic when he was a younger boy. Now that he is older, he can't really find a place to belong, considering how people are telling him how to live his life.  I, indeed expressed my praise, as well as, how insightful he was to understand the power of how lyrics can describe a story about someone.  I brought up another song by Nick Drake “Road.”  It talks about how changing your path to suit others will not change anything. Your path will lead you where you are supposed to go.  It brought an opportunity for him to understand that no matter what anyone tells him or attempts to steer him, the only person that can chose his own path is himself.  When he does, he will be more content and optimistic.   He tended to agreed.  I just look forward to him playing the guitar.
 

The tweet- February 4, 2014

I stumbled onto Gwen Stefani's tweet from February 2, 2014.   She had posted a picture of her as Sting was giving her an autograph while on a Yamaha motorcycle.  If anyone doesn't know the story, here it is.  Her father was working for Yamaha motorcycles.  Yamaha was sponsoring part of The Police during their Synchronicity Tour.  When The Police played at Hollywood Park on June 6, 1983  (which was their biggest show to date in Los Angeles by the way), Gwen was able to go backstage and get an autograph from Sting before he took off.  She described the experience as " a grumpy Sting getting ready to take off and this chubby kid blushing getting his autograph."  Well apparently Gwen's tweet has received some negative exposure given that she has used the work chunky to describe herself in the picture.  While she is not considered chunky,  possibly she was trying to convey an opinion of herself when she was younger.  Gwen has openly admitted that she has battled weight issues on and off when she was younger.  I believe that body image is something that is very individualistic and at the same time negatively propagated by the media.  It is very true that body image issues can trigger depression, anxiety, anger and even self-loathing.  Without reading into what Gwen is currently going through at this time ( she is currently in her third trimester of pregnancy), it may speak about how she also sees herself at the moment.  Keep in mind that body image is perception and that one should feel comfortable in their own skin no matter where they are at the moment.  Unfortunately,  perception is sometimes based on what others view as the norm rather than how individuals should believe about themselves.    For those who do deal with body image issues, do self affirmations daily and focus on what you like and remind yourself that it's okay to like and appreciate what you see no matter what size you are.